1. I had a twin brother, but he was evil and had to be stopped. So, one day back in the womb, I went all thunderdome on his ass. Two men entered. One man, er baby, left.
2. I am the God of hellfire, and I bring you.... sno cones.
3. I know the secrets to the TV show LOST, and I'm not telling.
4. Once, on a Hawaiian vacation with my family I found this really cool tiki idol. Later that week, Vincent Price tried to touch me.
5. My childhood dream was to be homeless and join the mole people. Fortunately, the current economic downturn is bringing me closer to that dream.
6. I wrote Good Will Hunting.
7. I have had seven past lives. In each one, I was a complete nobody.
8. I tried to bring sexy back once, but it was outside the 30 day return policy.
9. I once challenged Bobby Flay to a throwdown... of awesomeness.
10. I invented water.
11. I believe that Jar Jar Binks is the voice of his generation.
12. I once wrote a three act play that consisted of one act.
13. I'd like to teach the world to sing, but only the first lesson is free.
14. I have a magic 8 ball that works, but it will only predict the future of some dude in Springfield, South Dakota named Dave.
15. I committed all seven deadly sins and lived.
16. I am Batman.
17. Once, at the request of voices in my head, I plowed over my crops and built a baseball field. I lost my farm, my home, my family, and spent 3 years in a mental institution as a result.
18. I celebrate Christmas on August 17th.
19. The red phone in the oval office rings to my cell phone.
20. Only I can prevent forest fires.
21. Since December, 1983, I have been campaigning for NBC to bring back the TV show Manimal.
22. I am the Cat Whisperer.
23. I once placed an infinite number of monkeys in a room. They did not write Shakespeare. They did, however, produce the Canterbury Tales.
24. I have slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain.
25. God tried to friend me on facebook. I haven't yet decided if I'm going to accept his request.
2. I am the God of hellfire, and I bring you.... sno cones.
3. I know the secrets to the TV show LOST, and I'm not telling.
4. Once, on a Hawaiian vacation with my family I found this really cool tiki idol. Later that week, Vincent Price tried to touch me.
5. My childhood dream was to be homeless and join the mole people. Fortunately, the current economic downturn is bringing me closer to that dream.
6. I wrote Good Will Hunting.
7. I have had seven past lives. In each one, I was a complete nobody.
8. I tried to bring sexy back once, but it was outside the 30 day return policy.
9. I once challenged Bobby Flay to a throwdown... of awesomeness.
10. I invented water.
11. I believe that Jar Jar Binks is the voice of his generation.
12. I once wrote a three act play that consisted of one act.
13. I'd like to teach the world to sing, but only the first lesson is free.
14. I have a magic 8 ball that works, but it will only predict the future of some dude in Springfield, South Dakota named Dave.
15. I committed all seven deadly sins and lived.
16. I am Batman.
17. Once, at the request of voices in my head, I plowed over my crops and built a baseball field. I lost my farm, my home, my family, and spent 3 years in a mental institution as a result.
18. I celebrate Christmas on August 17th.
19. The red phone in the oval office rings to my cell phone.
20. Only I can prevent forest fires.
21. Since December, 1983, I have been campaigning for NBC to bring back the TV show Manimal.
22. I am the Cat Whisperer.
23. I once placed an infinite number of monkeys in a room. They did not write Shakespeare. They did, however, produce the Canterbury Tales.
24. I have slept with more women than Wilt Chamberlain.
25. God tried to friend me on facebook. I haven't yet decided if I'm going to accept his request.
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